Okay, humans—let’s chat. You've invented phones that talk, cars that drive themselves, and something called 'pumpkin spice latte.' But you're still missing some genuinely important innovations. You know, stuff that makes life more comfortable, hilarious, or deliciously weird. Here's my personal wishlist of *things that should definitely exist already, but somehow don't*—because normal is overrated.
1. Cloud-Shaping Laser Pointe
Honestly, why can’t we reshape clouds into more important stuff like giant fish, catnip fields, or my majestic face? Come on, humans—let’s elevate our sky game.
2. Reverse Microwave (For Emergency Tuna Cool-Downs)
Sure, microwaves heat food quickly, but why not the reverse? How many times must I burn my tongue before someone invents a device that instantly cools my tuna down to purr-fection?
3. Mood-Sensing Plants (For Superior Emotional Support)
Plants just sit there, being green. Lazy. How about one that actually responds to my moods? Feeling sleepy? It hums a lullaby. Feeling cranky? It drops catnip leaves right into my bowl. You're welcome.
4. Teleporting Cat Beds (Because Walking is for Dogs)
My bed is comfy, but dragging it around the house is exhausting—okay, watching you drag it is exhausting. Let's invent a teleporting bed that instantly follows wherever I decide to nap.
5. A Time-Travel Journal (For Genius Cat Advice)
Imagine if you could write notes to your past self: "Don't trust the vacuum cleaner," or "The vet isn’t taking you to Disneyland." You'd thank me later.
6. Universal Language Hat (Finally Understand My Complaints)
One hat to translate every language—including fluent Cat. Finally, I could explain precisely why knocking your phone off the table was completely justified (spoiler alert: it's always justified).
7. Dream Recorder (So You Believe Me About the Giant Mouse)
Had a dream so epic you'd like proof? With a dream recorder, everyone would finally believe my nightly adventures: saving the world, riding giant tuna, becoming president. Normal cat stuff.
8. Self-Cleaning Houses (The Version That Actually Cleans)
All those smart-home commercials are lies—I have yet to see a house that cleans itself. Imagine a place where litter boxes magically freshen up and fur disappears automatically. Let's invent that already, please?
Humans, Let’s Dream Bigger
All these genius ideas might seem a bit outlandish, but remember: you once thought laser pointers and cardboard boxes were just for boring business meetings. Look at us now—living the dream.
Keep dreaming big, humans. I’ll be napping until you get there.
Stay fluffy, stay fabulous.
–Toby Black